What makes a good cuddle buddy?
Most importantly, a good cuddler should be a giver and not just a receiver. Reciprocation is at the heart of all good things between two people.
In order not to be considered a dead fish or a cadaver, my favourite terms for certain types of receivers, responsiveness is key. That is done by such things as when your cuddler holds you tight, squeeze him or her back in return. Use your hands to touch your cuddle partner’s arms, neck, and back instead of just lying there like a lump. Indicating to your cuddler that what he or she is doing for you is not only welcome but delightful is always good manners.
Sighing or making sounds of pleasure, and saying “I like that,” “that feels good,” are all nice to hear. I’d be careful about personalising it to “you feel so good” until you know your cuddler well and know whether or not that might be considered a bit too personal.Showing your partner that you’re enjoying your cuddle will make it more rewarding for him or her.
Know Your Partner’s Preferences
It’s very helpful to have discussed cuddling preferences with your partner before the first cuddle. The cuddle is a lot more natural if the two of you can simply touch each other without having to ask “may I” or “is this ok” every time you want to do something. Asking permission is required at cuddle parties, but in a private cuddle, it’s up to the two of you to decide whether that’s necessary.I will ask if I’m going to do something that might cause a tickle response, “Are you ticklish here?” Then immediately follow up with “Do you want me to stop?” Some people like to be tickled a little bit, some people don’t. Never assume.
My most recent cuddler and I had corresponded about six weeks before we met. We discussed our cuddle styles and preferences at length. . It was all very spontaneous and natural, which was very enjoyable for us both.
Creative Use of Hands
Hands can and should be used in many ways. The full palms I like to use with a fair amount of pressure for long strokes on the back, especially when I’m being covered, as it stretches the back muscles a little bit, which always feels good. Lighter touches with the fingertips are nice, which I call “tracing,” as it’s like tracing invisible lines on your cuddle pal’s body.
Hair play and face caressing are always nice, but again, for some people face caressing is too personal and not welcome, which is why discussing cuddle preferences in advance is so important. Spider touches with the fingertips are good for those sensitive places with a lot of nerve endings, such as the nape and back of the neck.
Playing, light tracing, light scratching and spider touches are also good at the small of the back, as there are a lot of nerve endings there. Gentle massage of the ears and earlobes is something that many people don’t know is quite nice. I’ve had a lot of massage, so that’s how I know about that one.
Your Partner’s Responsiveness
Watch for your partner’s responses, whether it be a sigh, a smile, or something else. If there is no response, you could ask “do you like this?” or ask if the recipient would like more or less pressure or something else, like light scratching. If you feel your partner stiffening up or emotionally withdrawing, then try something else.
Turning the Tables
Getting an insistent giver to receive can be a challenge. Some people are so used to being the giver that it’s hard for them to just relax and receive. Sometimes it’s very welcome if you put them in a position where they are induced to surrender, such as spooning.
That happened to me fairly recently. My cuddler insisted that he wanted me to relax and receive, so he spooned me into relaxing. There wasn’t much else I could do, plus feeling the warmth of his body against my back was so nice. After he’d spooned me into limp noodleness, he then suggested other positions but continued to do the active cuddling and wanted me to continue to just relax and soak it all in. I was more than happy to oblige!
With another cuddler, we took turns receiving and giving when we weren’t doing it simultaneously. Neither one of us took more than we gave, and it was an extremely satisfying cuddle for us both.
Other parts of the body can be used to cuddle, not just hands. Face nuzzling is something I’ve had hardly any cuddler do. Face nuzzling to the nape of the neck is lovely, but even if your head is resting on a shoulder, nuzzle that. Nose nuzzling also works, not just nose to nose but nose to cheek, nose to temple, nose to forehead. Use your legs to intertwine and squeeze your partner’s legs. Run your feet up the calves, if you’re flexible enough.
If there’s something in particular you’d like to have done, ask for it. Any good cuddler will be delighted to take care of that for you. As a giver, ask your partner what he or she would like you to do. A lot of people are more often the giver and less often the receiver, so that’s a nice gift to give to someone who’s used to taking care of others but doesn’t allow themselves the pleasure of being cared for very often. Speaking up when something is uncomfortable is equally important. You should not put up with discomfort for any reason. Speak up and change positions.
Be Open to New Ideas
My recent partner had never done the Yab Yum but was totally open to trying it. It turned out he wasn’t very flexible, so it was uncomfortable for him to sit cross legged. But it was ok for him to sit with legs straight out in front of him and thighs apart just a little bit, and my weight when I sat on his thighs to encircle his waist with my legs wasn’t a problem. So we did a slightly modified version of the Yab Yum, and it was wonderful.
The enthusiasm you as a cuddler brings to the experience will be what makes it a wonderful experience for your partner. No one enjoys the feeling that the other person is merely tolerating being touched. If you’re not excited and enthusiastic about both being touched and touching another person, then you may not have chosen the right partner. Try again with someone else. Compatibility is very important.
Focus On Your Partner
You should not be multitasking, and you should definitely not be on the phone while cuddling – that is the height of inconsideration and bad manners. Unless the two of you have decided in advance that you want to watch a movie while cuddling, your partner should have 100% of your attention.
Sault Ste. Marie